Leading Through the Lens of RSD

How to Support Ourselves & Colleagues with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria in the Workplace

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) has been described by many as the ‘kryptonite’ for individuals with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). It can overshadow daily activities, creep into workplace interactions, and provoke immense anxiety at the slightest suggestion of criticism or potential dismissal.

RSD’s hallmark feature is an extreme sensitivity to the perception of rejection or criticism, which can manifest as withdrawal, risk aversion, or avoidance of activities that are even remotely threatening. For individuals managing ADHD, this emotional burden can heighten stress levels, potentially leading to burnout or hyperfocus to overcompensate and prevent negative outcomes.

As leaders, it is vital to understand that people with RSD are not simply ‘overreacting’ or ‘too sensitive.’ The powerful mental processes at play stem from differences in thinking methods. In fact, many neurodivergent professionals, whether they are diagnosed with ADHD or another condition, are often masters of empathy, able to sense subtle shifts in interpersonal dynamics and group interactions.

This empathetic proficiency can be a triple-edged sword. It allows them to intuitively support peers during a crisis, but it also makes them susceptible to deep emotional pain when they sense a potential dismissal or critique. It can also manifest in an ability to mask their own issues, which is a skill that many develop from an early age to ‘blend-in’ or indeed, to diffuse situations.

In this article, I’ll explore how RSD can manifest in a workplace setting, how it interlinks with ADHD traits, and the many ways leaders can provide robust support. These components are formed from my own experiences and feedback from other professionals.

We will examine some practical tips, both for individuals and for leadership teams, to counteract RSD’s detrimental effects. We will also delve into the importance of empathy-driven approaches, such as those popularised by negotiators like James Donovan, and consider how an ADHD ‘buddy’ system can help employees remain balanced, resilient, and empowered.

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1. Understanding RSD and ADHD in Context

What Exactly Is RSD?

‘Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is an intense emotional response triggered by the perception, real or imagined, of rejection or criticism.’

For those with ADHD, RSD can present itself when an email isn’t replied to swiftly, or when a colleague’s tone in a message appears terse. Because people with ADHD often engage in mental ‘horizon scanning’ for potential threats, RSD can cause them to jump to conclusions about others’ opinions. They might assume a co-worker’s delayed response means they have done something terribly wrong, or that a random calendar invite from their line manager signals certain disapproval.

ADHD and Emotional Regulation Through Gilbert’s Model

ADHD encompasses more than mere inattention or hyperactivity. It also involves complexities in managing emotional responses. Viewed through Paul Gilbert’s Three Circle Model, a triggering event, such as a perceived criticism, can rapidly activate the ‘Threat’ system, amplifying feelings of shame or fear and temporarily suppressing the ‘Soothing’ system.

In response, some individuals move into the ‘Drive’ system, channelling their anxiety into hyperfocus to ‘fix’ the perceived danger. While this urgency may seem productive initially, it can easily culminate in burnout if the perceived threat is either minor or misinterpreted. Conversely, others may remain lodged in the ‘Threat’ system, opting to avoid tasks or interactions altogether rather than risk further rejection.

Risk Aversion and Avoidance

RSD can drive risk aversion by instilling a deep fear of criticism. The simple act of volunteering for a project or speaking up in a meeting can feel like stepping into a firing range. This can result in missed opportunities for professional growth, stifling both individual achievement and team advancement. For leadership teams seeking to harness diverse voices, acknowledging the impact of RSD is crucial.

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2. Typical Workplace Triggers

Random Calendar Invites

Imagine this scenario. You see an unexpected ‘urgent meeting’ pop up on your calendar.

There’s no agenda, and the email from your manager simply says, “Meeting.” While many might brush this off and assume the meeting is routine, an individual with RSD may experience a slew of intense emotions, panic, fear of criticism, and catastrophic thinking -

• What have I done wrong?

• Am I about to be fired?

• Is there a complaint I don’t know about?

This sense of dread can be all-consuming, causing the employee to spiral into over-analysis or, conversely, shut down. As a leader, simply acknowledging the real emotional impact of such ambiguous invites can make a world of difference. Being clear in communication, perhaps noting ‘This meeting is about the new project direction, no concerns about your performance!’, can help mitigate that emotional dive into existential preservation mode. As leaders, knowing our people is paramount!

Interview Processes and Outcomes

One element of RSD many find very difficult to overcome is that of the dreaded interview process and anticipated outcome. Often, the interview itself is very sterile and hard to read, leading to tangent spin-off and a visible confidence drop. The first 'tell us about you' question can take the interviewer on a protracted journey through the entire life-story of that nervous interviewee, who is desperate to find some common ground to get a positive response back from and thus overshares.

Forming an interview around a conversation, probing any competencies through curiosity, and on occasion reframing a question brings 'the person' in, and gets that authentic and brilliant mind at its very best.

Curt or Ambiguous Email Responses

Another common scenario is a short email or chat response: “Ok”, or a thumb’s up on Teams. For some individuals, this might read as a polite acknowledgement, for someone with RSD, it can feel like a rebuke. The brevity or perceived coldness can spark days of anxiety, overshadowing other tasks. Often, simply offering more explicit context or reassurance can soothe these anxieties. For instance: “Ok, thanks! Great job on the report. Let’s catch up tomorrow for more details.”

Pre-Meeting Anxiety and ‘Horizon Scanning’

A by-product of RSD is the inclination to ‘horizon scan’ for threats, which can manifest as perpetual worry. This might lead individuals to prepare extensively for meetings, anticipating questions or criticisms that may never materialise. If they sense even a faint shift in tone, they might construe it as a negative judgment. Over time, this can be physically and emotionally draining, eating away at self-confidence.

‘Horizon Scanning’ is a term I first heard in the Royal Navy. It’s a common term in military operations, describing a proactive (and sometimes obsessive) method of identifying potential risks, emerging threats, and opportunities by constantly monitoring the environment. It involves looking beyond immediate concerns to anticipate future challenges, often focusing on weak signals or early indicators of change. This approach helps commanders and decision-makers prepare for uncertainties, ensuring readiness and adaptability in dynamic operational contexts.

Horizon scanning is a skill that often comes naturally to individuals with ADHD due to their heightened awareness and ability to process multiple inputs simultaneously. ADHD minds especially are wired to notice patterns, spot inconsistencies, and anticipate potential outcomes, at pace, making them adept at identifying risks and opportunities that others might overlook. This ability to think broadly and connect seemingly unrelated pieces of information aligns closely with the essence of horizon scanning, enabling ADHD individuals to thrive in dynamic environments where foresight and adaptability are crucial.

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3. Strategies to Counter RSD - Following the Data

In many cases, RSD can be exacerbated by assumptions or catastrophic thinking. One strategy to rein in these instincts is to focus on what is factually evident. Rather than letting anxious feelings run amok, encourage employees (and remind yourself) to:

Ask - What do the actual facts say?

Often, RSD amplifies the emotional reaction to an assumed attack. By pausing to look for tangible evidence, individuals can identify when their fears are unfounded. For instance, if your manager typically invites everyone to spontaneous meetings, it might be part of the company culture rather than a specific criticism of your work. This could be an easy bit of data to get and understand the norms of the manager.

Seek More Details Without Fuelling Anxiety

If you receive a random meeting request, gently ask for more information. Communicate openly: “Could you let me know what you’d like to cover, so I can come prepared?” This clarifies the purpose and may dispel any looming sense of dread.

Distinguish Intuition from Evidence

While intuition and empathy can be strengths, they can also lead to overinterpretation. Encourage individuals to corroborate their gut feelings with concrete data or direct dialogue. If a colleague’s curt message reads as anger, find evidence to confirm or deny it. This might entail a quick check-in over coffee - “Is everything all right? I noticed your message was quite brief.” Trying to always assume positive intent here can help to reframe the situation!

Watch Out for Catastrophising

Are you mapping out a complex scenario at ‘1000 mph’ with very limited information? If so, consider slowing down and reminding yourself that negative assumptions can rapidly spiral. By taking stock of actual performance indicators, previous positive feedback, recent successes, you can counterbalance the negative voice inside.

Distinguish Emotion from Fact

A moment of introspection can help: “Am I looking at this through an emotional lens or a factual lens?” Emotions might say ‘They hate my presentation!’ whereas facts might say ‘This is a normal feedback process.’

Reframing from Fear to Curiosity

Instead of dreading feedback, see it as an opportunity for improvement. Ask, “How can I grow from this? What can I learn?” This reframing can transform a fearful stance into one of engagement and curiosity.

Seek an Impartial Viewpoint

If the fear of rejection is overwhelming, consult a trusted colleague or mentor who can offer a balanced take on the situation. This third party can help you disentangle valid concerns from undue anxiety.

Rely on Your Support Circle

Who among your friends, family, or co-workers can offer solidarity and comfort? Simply venting concerns in a safe, understanding environment can mitigate the pressure building in your mind.

Imagine: ‘What Would Someone I Admire Do?’

Sometimes, stepping out of your own perspective can be revelatory. If you find yourself paralysed by fear, ask how a mentor, role model, or admired figure might handle the same situation. This external viewpoint can encourage creative problem-solving and resilience. I have a few individuals I know well who operate in a very consistent way, and I use this knowledge to have a bit of a third party and sometimes positive disruption approach to my thinking when triaging a situation.

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4. Empathy as a Superpower. Tapping into Neurodivergent Strengths

It may seem paradoxical, but the very trait that makes individuals more prone to RSD, heightened sensitivity, often correlates with profound empathy. Neurodivergent professionals can be remarkably intuitive about what others are feeling or thinking in a given situation. This capacity for empathy can be a tremendous asset in many workplace contexts, such as -

Tense Negotiations

Being able to tune into the emotional undercurrents of a discussion can help de-escalate conflict. Empathy can enable quick thinking, as it helps to anticipate potential roadblocks or concerns, therefore empowering negotiators to address these points before they spiral.

Coaching and Mentoring

People with strong empathetic skills often excel in roles where they guide or support others, sensing when a team member is overwhelmed or uncertain. Their ability to show genuine compassion can foster a healthier and more trusting organisational culture.

Emergency Situations

In crisis scenarios, the capacity to quickly grasp different perspectives can be invaluable. While anxiety may be heightened for neurodivergent individuals, their swift intuition can also help rally teams and ensure all viewpoints are considered.

Empathy-Driven Negotiation

One method of negotiation that I’ve used successfully many times, both in the Prison Service and through corporate contract management is Empathy-Driven Negotiation. This negotiation technique highlights the potency of empathy as a negotiating tool.

By genuinely trying to see the world from the other party’s perspective, one can transform potentially adversarial interactions into collaborative problem-solving sessions. This interlinks nicely with a neurodivergent mindset, where rather than framing an encounter as a clash, it becomes an opportunity to seek common ground.

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5. The ADHD Buddy System.

A Practical Support Mechanism

One straightforward yet highly effective idea for supporting individuals with RSD is establishing a peer support system, or an ADHD buddy system within an organisation. This system pairs colleagues, possibly fellow neurodivergent professionals, so they can check in with each other, validate experiences, and offer reassurance when anxieties flare.

Why a Buddy System Helps

Immediate Reality Check

If someone with RSD is spiralling over a misread email, they can quickly message their ‘buddy’ and share concerns. Their buddy might respond, “I’ve worked with that manager before, he’s just very to-the-point in his writing style, don’t worry!” That reassurance can defuse an emotional spiral.

Shared Lived Experience

Knowing someone else intimately understands the challenges of RSD fosters a sense of solidarity. Instead of feeling isolated and ashamed, employees realise they are not alone. This camaraderie can be a balm against the loneliness of coping with overbearing anxiety.

Avoiding Burnout

A buddy can offer reminders to avoid hyperfocus during perceived crises. If they notice their partner working late repeatedly to ‘fix’ a problem that may not exist, they can gently step in, suggesting a break or a conversation with management to look at a better way of supporting.

A Place to Vent Without Guilt

Sometimes, RSD-driven anxiety does not need immediate ‘fixing’ but simply space to be aired out. A buddy can provide a listening ear so that the individual can purge those fears in a supportive environment, preventing them from ruminating alone.

Fostering Trust and Honesty

At the heart of this system is mutual respect. Individuals commit to open and honest communication about their needs, triggers, and coping strategies. Over time, this transforms workplace culture into one that values psychological safety.

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6. How Leaders Can Provide Effective Support

How do we, as leaders, support our staff with RSD? Here are some suggestions that build upon the points made throughout this article -

Normalise Conversations Around Neurodiversity

Begin by creating an environment where discussions of ADHD and RSD are welcomed. Encourage employees to share their experiences if they feel comfortable, and ensure they know managerial doors are always open. Publicly acknowledging the unique strengths and challenges of neurodivergent staff signals to the entire organisation that different thinking styles are respected.

Provide Clear, Transparent Communication

When scheduling meetings, add a short agenda or purpose statement. If giving feedback, start by highlighting positives, then be direct yet constructive about areas for improvement. Transparency drastically reduces the fertile ground upon which RSD anxieties grow.

Offer Training for Managers

Equip your managerial team with knowledge about RSD and ADHD so that they can tailor their communication and feedback approaches. Something as simple as rephrasing an email or providing immediate reassurance can save an employee days of needless stress.

Encourage the ‘Follow the Data’ Approach

Promote a data-driven culture where employees are prompted to ask questions, seek clarity, and differentiate between real and perceived threats. Celebrate moments when individuals display curiosity rather than fear.

Adopt Empathy-Driven Leadership

James Donovan’s negotiation technique emphasises understanding the other side. Encourage managers to ask questions aimed at understanding their employees’ viewpoints rather than jumping to conclusions. This empathetic approach can diffuse tension and create the space for genuine collaboration.

Implement an ADHD Buddy System

Create a structured pairing programme for those who opt into it. Provide brief guidelines on how buddies can support one another, whether it be a quick weekly check-in or an as needed approach and offer supervision for leaders running them.

Check-In One-to-One

RSD-driven staff might not always speak up if they feel anxious. Regular, informal check-ins can help managers proactively address concerns. Ask open-ended questions like “How has your workload felt this week?” or “Is anything causing you stress at the moment?”, or asking “what’s your bandwidth today?”

Offer Reasonable Adjustments

Similar to flexible working hours or personal assistant software for individuals with dyslexia, those with RSD could benefit from minor workplace adjustments. Perhaps they need earlier clarity on upcoming deadlines or reassurance during feedback sessions. Simple shifts can significantly boost confidence and reduce anxiety.

Celebrate Small Wins

People with RSD often fixate on perceived failures. Regularly celebrating successes, no matter how small, helps to offset that negativity bias. Public recognition or even personal notes of appreciation can be immensely beneficial, though very much depending on the individual as public praise can be unwelcome.

Address Burnout Proactively

If you notice an employee burning the midnight oil too often or becoming withdrawn, have a compassionate conversation. Remind them of boundaries, encourage them to disconnect after work hours, and emphasise that you value their mental and emotional health as much as their output.

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7. Final Thoughts

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria may well be the ‘kryptonite’ for many ADHD’ers, but it is crucial to note that kryptonite did not negate Superman’s powers altogether, it merely weakened them for a time.

Similarly, RSD can impede performance and self-confidence, yet many individuals with ADHD bring incredible strengths to the table when these challenges are proactively addressed. Their sensitivity often correlates with heightened empathy and a capacity for intuitive insight that can benefit teams in negotiations, conflict resolution, and creative endeavours.

As leaders, our role is not to ‘fix’ RSD or overshadow it with organisational pressures, but rather to create a supportive environment where all employees thrive. By employing clear communication methods, promoting an empathy-driven culture, and implementing practical tools like buddy systems, we equip our staff to harness their strengths without being derailed by their vulnerabilities. Indeed, the path to inclusive leadership involves meeting people where they are, acknowledging their challenges, and helping them navigate these challenges with understanding and dignity.

Finally, an inclusive workplace culture that recognises neurodiversity is one that fosters innovation, resilience, and collaboration. When we remove the stigma and fear surrounding differences like ADHD and RSD, we enable our teams to operate at their fullest potential. And in doing so, we transform ‘kryptonite’ into something far more benign, a manageable feature of the landscape rather than an insurmountable obstacle.